and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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