Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
