yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
