just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
