Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
