come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
