My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
