another moral hangover. fuck.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
