it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
