you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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