you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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