Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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