after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
