Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
