Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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