Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
