He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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