dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am available for nakedness
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
