last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
