I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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