obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I touched a dick in church today
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
