I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
