That's intense
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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