For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
