We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I forgot how hot balto sounded
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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