Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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