I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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