i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
