The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i drank out of a bidet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The air taste purple.
Randomize
