I think i peed on brittanys purse
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
