shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
