It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
