I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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