i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
