duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
