i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
