Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
