If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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