so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
