I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
