You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize