And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
