i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
