Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
