That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
