They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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