so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize