It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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