took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just pee around me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
