They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
