Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i would punch a child for taco bell
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
