Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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