I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
