Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
