how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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