I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
