I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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