Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
