I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
