Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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