i permit you to call me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
