GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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