he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
