awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
