i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
