I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
