You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
