Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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