Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need water and some morals
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
