Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My penis needs a shock collar
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
