Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
