I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
