I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
