Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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